Black Success

The Key to Confidence and Self-Esteem 

 By Zhana

 What do we need to do to build our confidence? 

 Confidence is key for our businesses, our jobs and our personal lives. 

 When you walk into a room full of people you  don’t know, do you feel comfortable to go up to someone and start a conversation? 

 Or do your hands go clammy?  Do your knees quake?  And does your voice quiver? 

 Do you have the confidence to approach the people you need to do business with? 

 It’s very common for people in the Western world to lack confidence and self-esteem.  I used to teach courses in Building Self-Esteem and Confidence and we never had any shortage of students.

The important thing is to do something about it. 

We Need to Heal

Many groups of people, including Black people/people of African heritage, people of Colour, white women, gay people and people with disabilities, have problems around self-esteem and confidence because this society does not support our having high self-esteem.  We have historically been treated as second-class citizens, marginalised and ignored.  I hope and expect that the election of President Obama will go some way to address some of these inequities. 

As people of African heritage, we were taught to hate ourselves.  That's why we often find so much conflict within Black groups and organisations.  It's why there is sometimes so much distrust between African people.  When you see Black people tearing each other apart, and when we engage in that kind of behaviour ourselves, this is one of the reasons.  We are very wounded and we need to heal these wounds.  See also:  Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome and Healing Our Relationships. 

It’s important to remember, though, that ways in which we have been oppressed are not the only reasons why that we carry our negative self-images.  We have often chosen to believe, or buy into, those negative stories.  We have internalised them and made them a part of us.  And we are the only people who can rewrite our stories. 

I’ve got lots of methods that will support and help you with this in my ebook What They Don’t Want Us to Know. 

Beautiful, Healthy Hair and Skin

One of the ways we have been taught to hate ourselves is in the area of our hair and skin.  The market bulges with products that are supposed to make us more "beautiful", but in fact change the colour, texture and length of our hair.  Many of our sisters use hair that was grown on the heads of people of other races.  We are suffering from a collective inferiority complex.  We have a lot of healing to do.  See also:  Black Hair Care: From Korea to Your Neighbourhood. 

You Deserve Love

You have an unique vision.  It is not your parents' vision.  It is not your teachers', or your children's, or your students', or your employers'.  Your vision may overlap with other people's.  But it is yours.

On the day you were born, the forces of the universe came together to create a unique and mysterious moment - the moment of your birth.

There is nobody else like you.  You have an unique contribution to make.  You may already be aware of your unique gift.  Even if you're not, you know what it is.  Deep down inside, you know.

You deserve to be loved, cherished and adored.  In order to attract the loving, supportive relationships you want and deserve, you first need to love and appreciate yourself. 

Reprogramming the Unconscious Mind

The unconscious mind is very powerful. 

You need to give your unconscious mind an instruction to help you become more aware of your achievements and your positive qualities. 

Sometimes, I have students who claim “That’s not a success!”  when I remind them of things they have achieved, like learning to walk and talk, and learning to read and write.  They are telling themselves negative stories about their successes.

It’s time to rewrite your story. 

And remember, when you learned to walk, you fell down and got up.  Over and over again.  And in doing this, you demonstrated some remarkable qualities.  Like your persistence and your courage. 

When recalling your past actions and decisions, it’s also important to remember that everything you did was an attempt to meet a need. 

Nonviolent Communication

In Nonviolent Communication (NVC), we classify a variety of different needs including physical survival needs, as well as emotional, social and spiritual needs.  All of these are very important to us.  In NVC, needs are defined as the things that matter to us, the things that make a difference in our lives. 

So instead of saying “WHY did I do this?  It was so STUPID!”, or something similar, remind yourself that whatever you did was an attempt to meet your needs.

That way, the next time you walk into that room full of strangers, it will be with a new sense of pride and confidence in yourself. 

I have a lot more information about NVC in What They Don’t Want Us to Know and Success Strategies for Black People. 

I am sure you will find this article valuable and helpful in raising your confidence for your business and for all of your life.

Here’s to your success!

Zhana

Publisher and Personal Growth Consultant

Copyright © Zhana 2008

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED